Sometimes it can be difficult to admit that you need help. Or if you’re me, it’s more like all the time…but you know what, it’s good to suck up that pride and accept a handout when it’s being offered. Examples: furniture, help around the house, small and big things alike. Moving to New York has made me realize it’s ok to ask for help and that I don’t have to do everything by myself.
This last week, my in-love’s graciously offered us their very nice furniture because they are re-doing their house. James wanted to accept it immediately, but I didn’t. I was nervous that they would be able to hold it over us in the future or that if I decided it wasn’t working with the house, that feelings would get hurt. It took me sometime to realize that they were not looking for anything in return, they just wanted to help us out, which was really nice.
Maybe it’s my pride or that I don’t feel I deserve help that makes me think that nice things result in quid pro quo. What I do know is that this thinking has caused me to have serious trust issues, even with my closest family members and James. Which is why I’m so shocked every time I see that so many people want to help and love on James and I just because they want to. When James and I got married we received many amazing gifts and a little nest egg which I just kept crying every time we opened a card with money in them. In my mind, I had done nothing to deserve this (I mean, I’m not wrong) and yet we had all these amazing people helping us start our life! I felt so loved and so conflicted. Now, instead of crying or trying to push off asking for help, I’m working on accepting that people around us just want to make sure we’re safe and comfortable in our new life together. Because I’m not going to lie, marriage is a big adjustment to make and if you don’t have people to go to for questions and advice or can help you when you’re in a pickle it can get between you and your spouse.
I guess I’m just saying that it is ok to let the walls down and open up. It’s ok to show weakness. It’s ok to ask for advice. And it’s ok to ask for help.
Accepting help
Acknowledge that they are doing this out of love
Say thank you
Love them back
I know the above directions are very simple but oh my gosh they are so difficult for me to follow. Every day though I am getting better at asking for help, accepting that others don’t need something in return every time, and acknowledging that I’m loved. I am very grateful that James and I have such amazing and selfless family members and I hope that we can return the favor one day!
A Field Guide to Marrying Young 