When I got engaged I thought my wedding would be one of the least traditional weddings out there. I had all these plans for what I thought would be a cool take on the ceremony and reception and was so excited to share them with James! That is, until James turned out to be the most traditional groom. Which I’m sure you can imagine was kind of a shock although I’m not sure why. His family is very traditional Christian and so it makes sense that he would want to copy that because that’s what he is comfortable with. Below you will find wedding traditions that we did and didn’t do. This doesn’t mean that I felt like it was better to do or not do specific traditions, these are just what we ended up compromising on to create a day that felt special and unique to both of us!
What we did do:
- Freeze top layer of cake – this is not one that I even considered but James threw his whole heart and sole into freezing the top layer of our cake to eat on our 1 year anniversary. Why? I’m not sure, maybe it’s the fact that he’s more of a romantic than he lets on but he really wanted this. So what did we do? We added an extra tier to the top of our cake resulting in a cute 4 tier cake! It wasn’t giant, it’s just enough for 2 people so I think it was the perfect compromise! Our friend however, who helped make the cake was unhappy that her work was going in a freezer for a year because she knows (as well as me) that it will NOT taste all that great. Although not gonna lie, James and I each had a slice one month into our marriage and it was really good! I’ll be sure to report back on the taste of it once we get to August.
Worth it? TBD
2. Veil – I absolutely refused to get a veil when wedding planning started. To me, it was the sign of the patriarchy and extremely archaic. I realized that even when I was growing up, I never daydreamed once about me walking down the aisle in a veil. Well it was a SHOCK when James asked me if I could wear one! But because I love him so dang much and he had this weird vision of him lifting the veil up instead of my parent, I decided to figure it out for him. TBH though, when I went dress shopping and finally found the one and they placed that veil on me, I was a sucker. I ended up walking out with both the dress and the original veil they put on my head. After that I decided to keep it a secret that I was wearing a veil. Even the pastor who married us kept it secret for me and made arrangements for how we would have him lift up my veil. It wasn’t until I was walking down the aisle that James saw the veil and he got his chance to lift it over that I could tell how much it meant to him!
Worth it? Yes! 10/10 would do again
3. First dance – This was mandatory in my book and is a common tradition followed by brides and grooms. We however did not spend tons of money with dance classes or an instructor. We simply picked out our first dance song 3 days before the wedding, walked down to the lake with some spiked seltzers and beer, and slowly but surely put our dance together with some help from my dance experience and YouTube! Because I’m a dancer I thought I would be really stressed about making the dance perfect and I was at first but once the alcohol got into my system and James got the hang of the big stuff it just turned into this fun afternoon activity we would do together. It was even better in my mind because people kept asking us what we were practicing for and I got to tell them with James that it was our first dance practice! So we definitely got all the compliments and congratulations a bride could want!
Worth it? Yessssssss!!
4. Assigned reception seating – A lot of my friends have commented on not wanting assigned seating at their receptions and while this is an awesome idea, sometimes it isn’t practical. We did assigned seating during the reception for multiple reasons, divorced family members, avoid confusion, and to make sure everyone had a comfortable place to sit. If we had a wedding that was less formal like a backyard or beach wedding though, I think it wouldn’t be as necessary. Was the seating chart needed on the day of? Not really, things that were out of my control changed and so extra chairs opened up and people were able to move about more freely which I think guests enjoyed.
Worth it? I would say this is a case by case decision. Was it useful? Yes. Was it absolutely necessary? I would say that if things had gone perfectly it would have worked really well but because things didn’t, it wasn’t super needed.
5. Unity Ceremony – We did this but I made sure to put our own spin on it. The most popular way of doing this is to light a candle together or to pour two different color sands together to signal the start of your new life together. Did James and I do either of those? Absolutely not! Instead, we decided to buy a tree, take dirt from both of the towns we were living in at the time and pour it on the tree during the ceremony. Then once we got to our new home, we would plant the tree together signifying the permanence of our union and love for our life together.
Worth it? Yes! I Cannot stress how awesome this was! We kind of forgot about getting the tree the days leading up to the wedding due to other things but wedding guests of ours went to a store the morning of and grabbed for us this beautiful HUGE apple tree. We weren’t expecting the tree to be big, which I’m not sure why considering trees are usually large even as saplings. But the ceremony went off without a hitch and everyone loved how unique it was! The next day we picked up the tree at their house with it trimmed down so it would fit in my Father in Law’s car and we even got to eat some of the apples that came from it! Once we got home, we procrastinated planting it for a bit but around October, we finally chose a spot and got it in the ground in our front yard. Honestly, I love that I can look out the window of our kitchen and see this amazing physical reminder of that day.
What we didn’t do:
- Ushers – So I guess the groomsman are the ushers for the ceremony but because we didn’t have assigned seating or sides for our ceremony, I didn’t think it was necessary.
Good choice? I’m not sure TBH. Do I regret not doing it? No? Would it have been a nice addition to have someone walk the older guests down to their seats? Probably, but it’s not like I’m losing sleep over not doing this.
2. Menus, ceremony programs, paper products, etc. – Often times at weddings, you can find a menu laid out at your seat explaining dinner options or at the ceremony, there are programs that can be left out for guests to follow along with what is happening during your ceremony.
Good choice? Yeah, I’m pretty happy with not doing anymore than was necessary. We had a buffet so all the food had descriptions in front of the item along with the ability for guests to ask staff working at our wedding in case of allergies or food concerns. As for the ceremony programs, the only thing I would have done differently is put out lyrics to a worship song that we played so that everyone could sing along if they wanted to. Overall though, we saved money, trees, and time so I’m happy with my decision.
3. Guestbook – Many couples end up spending quite a bit of money picking out a guest book for guests to sign, or try another unique approach at getting guests to sign their well wishes to the couple. This is a nice gesture but proved unnecessary to James and I.
Good choice? This one I do regret not doing! I think it would be nice to have had a collective place or thing for all our guests to sign. I especially would have liked a Polaroid station for guests to take pictures, write something nice and put in a special book for us to take after it ended. At the end of the day though, we saved money by not buying the book and I still have all the cards from our wedding that I get to look back on.
4. Throwing rice – This is a tradition that our wedding venue actually didn’t even allow. Rice is bad for the environment and wildlife and I think more people should switch over to more organic eco-friendly options.
Good choice? Yes, I’m happy with my decision not to do a rice toss. We tried to do a lavender toss instead but no one was told to grab the cups of lavender at the front of the ceremony space so the toss at the end of the ceremony very much so did not happen. THAT, I do regret.
5. Traditional vows – So many times the person who is marrying a couple will have the traditional vows available for couples to say instead of writing their own. This can be a great option for people who want to follow through with the tradition, don’t want the pressure of writing their own, or just want to do things by the book.
Good choice? Absolutely! James and I wrote our own vows and it was one of the coolest experiences I could have asked for. Idk about James but I procrastinated a LOT and didn’t end up writing them until around 1 am the night before the wedding. I planned on rewriting them the morning of, but my photographer liked the rawness of the original draft so I kept it the way it was. Our vows ended up showing off who we were as individuals too lol. I wrote a full page and a half while James wrote 4 sentences on an index card. There’s footage of our ceremony where I actually take out my paper after James reads his and flip it front and back just to show how much I wrote compared to him, which our guests loved! Overall, I think this is a great tradition to break if you’re comfortable going off book and making things more personalized to you.
In the end, there are few things that are within my power that I would have wanted to change on the day of. Traditions are around for a reason and if they fall within your idea of what your wedding should look like, I say go for it! If there’s a tradition you don’t like, you DON’T have to do it even if your family members are expecting it. This is you and your husbands day, make it one that you both will enjoy and fill it with the moments and traditions that you think will best embody you as a couple and share the love!
A Field Guide to Marrying Young 