Mourning

Hypothesis: I would miss things about my life before marriage

It’s been almost 5 months of married life and although I love it, I know that James and I do miss parts of our lives from before the wedding and living together. This post is basically talking about how it’s ok to be married and mourn your old life, it happens to everyone and it doesn’t stop at getting married. It happens to new parents and it happens whenever change occurs. We always look back at these moments in our lives and think “I had it so good then.” We almost romanticize the old because we are putting away the bad memories and moments that occurred without considering that both the good and bad happen whether it be the past, the present, or the future.

Single Living

I had it so good! I was a bachelorette living in the North Shore of Boston in a sweet apartment with friends and family nearby. My job was good and I enjoyed the freedom to come and go as I pleased (that’s not to say I can’t do that now, it’s just weird if I just walk out of the house without talking to James, ya know?). Although I had a roommate, a good guy friend of mine named David, I had the freedom to decorate our common spaces however I pleased. Not because David couldn’t but because he was fine with my farmhouse wannabe taste and tbh he probably did not give a crap. It was nice to decorate with different textures and pictures and signs and flowers and have no one say anything different. Our place was cute and welcoming! The best part though was sleeping alone in a queen bed. I LOVE waking up next to James in our king sized bed but it was a month and a half long adjustment to get used to sharing a bed with someone else and James struggled too. We eventually got into a groove and sleep well now, but dang was it a struggle. It made me miss the days of crawling into bed and curling into the corner with no cares for others space or blanket sharing ratios.

I was afraid that after marriage I would lose my alone time

The alone time was by far the best thing about living on my own. My roommate and I were good friends sure but after dinner we each went to our rooms, shut the door, and got into what we like to do best: our own thing. And that may sound harsh or lonely but it’s good to get away from others and collect my thoughts and just be by myself. I was afraid that after marriage I would never have alone time so the few months before the wedding I made sure to go hard on the amount of time I was alone. I mean, I probably could have won an Olympic medal for avoiding David or other humans for quite a few weekends after I got engaged. I was thriving on eating the junk food I wanted to eat (while still working out, cuz that dress had to fit and fit good), binge watching the shows I wanted to watch, and just doing whatever I wanted. Now for those bachelors and bachelorettes who fear the loss of alone time come marriage I wanna let you know that although it does become less frequent, it’s still a thing. James and I know when we need to give each other space and don’t mind when the other says they want to be alone for a while. It’s life and it’s important.

Hanging out with friends

This is one of the things I mourn over the most. In Boston I had curated the most amazing people to be in my very small private circle of friends. People I had known for years and had been through thick and thin with. I don’t like change and I am not necessarily the most comfortable when it comes to meeting new people or having to make new friends. Maybe I should be better because of all the times I moved as a kid? Or maybe my anxiety from college just grew too strong, but meeting new people makes me nervous. Like awkward smile, weird sentences come out of my mouth, nervous fart situations occur. These people, these wonderful, funny, smart, and loving people could handle any attitude I threw at them and sometimes even throw it right back. So obviously when I moved I was freaking heartbroken. I lost my tribe and somehow had to start building a new one and to me that seemed impossible. And while it definitely hasn’t been easy, I’ve had some special people come into my life that have made moving and adjusting to married life ten times easier.

Whenever James and I get the chance, we do try to visit Boston once every other month to see everyone. And we’ve been blessed enough to have friends who have stayed in contact almost daily since the move and even drove up 12 hours over a long weekend to help James and I settle into the house. Of course in return for their hard work, we ordered them beer and a bouncy house (seriously can’t thank you enough Jenna, Athena, Ayla and everyone else who helped us settle in and make our house a home!). I definitely think having long distance friends would be harder without the modern day technology we have now, so I’m very thankful for all of it. Looking at you text: Skype, FB Messenger, Insta, and Snapchat! My close girlfriends and I are busy people so we don’t have a schedule to talk but it’s nice to know that I can reach out to them whenever I need to and they’ll be there for me. Kim, Jenna, Athena (and David) are seriously the best. Thanks for keeping me sane throughout this life transition!

As for the friends here, they are AMAZING! I never knew I could make such strong connections in such short amount of time. Getting into a routine has really helped me settle in mentally to my new position as a wife and even in working full time again. Plus having friends who are also young and married is seriously the coolest thing. Like who would have thought that James and I would have a support system of peers who are going through the SAME EXACT stuff as us? God is great guys, that’s all I can say. Anyways, we look forward to our Tuesday nights with the McDowells! We play games, talk, eat, and drink and overall have a fun time (which everyone needs more of in their lives). More recently we got them into D&D another thing that James and I lost once we moved here and what a fun time it has been! Teaching and playing with them has become a thing that James and I are thinking about around the clock now and we’re just so happy and excited to have them share the same passion and joy! It’s comforting to know that James and I have so many good friends, it’s just more spread out across the country now!

Clothes

This I feel like applies more to me than James but IDK, I give him a hard time when he tries to go out in clothes I don’t necessarily deem “put together” so maybe he feels the same way but it was nice to have no worries when picking out an outfit before marriage. I could put on a bandeau and see-through tank top and shorts and not worry because 1. James didn’t have a say (technically he still doesn’t) and 2. no one thought it was inappropriate. But let me tell you guys something, the moment you get married it becomes a seriously different world. I already dressed fairly conservatively but holy cow the looks a girl can get when she has a wedding band on and a not so appropriate outfit on would surprise you. I learned this lesson the hard way, not from the public but from James when I tried to go out in an outfit he deemed bad. There were miscommunications on both parts but what struck me the most was that in his mind my clothes were saying “I’m not proud to be with this guy, someone take me away” and that hit me. I never intended to hurt him with my clothing and I know he would never take advantage of having a “say” in what I put on. So now although I miss the freedom to wear some semi-revealing clothing it makes me feel better to wear clothes that make us both comfortable and like we’re representing our family name in an appropriate yet still fashionable way.

On another note, James says he misses walking around in his boxers more and that he can’t do that in our house enough because there are no curtains. I’ll work on that babe so you can live your dreams 😉

Conclusion

Those are the things about pre-married life I miss the most. But I would 100% trade them all over again to have this one of a kind life adventure with my sweet and wonderful husband. Some sacrifices are worth it. But if I get the chance to convince my friends to move here or we can move back to Boston, I’m definitely going for it because who wouldn’t want the best of both worlds?